Let it Go

As the country wallows in economic decline, I have found much to be grateful for. Grateful that I still had a job. Grateful for God's provision. We have a small house payment. My kids are still in Christian school. So glad that He knows the plans He has for us. As long as things went my way.

Then, in May, I was laid off. I went through stages of grief. Anger, acceptance, sadness, peace, turmoil. I began to realize that this job had become so much of who I was that I didn't know my Identity anymore. Sure I was willing to trust my God...as long as He didn't do anything that made me feel uncomfortable.

I walked through the garage today while packing for camping. There, to one side, sat the sum of five years of teaching in boxes and bins. Five years of tears, sweat, work, joy, efforts to be the best I could be, trying to get organized, trying to find balance between work and family. Unwelcome tears sprang to my eyes...and I found myself begging the One in charge for some semblance of peace about this whole thing. And for someone to understand.

It seems that no one gets that I really love teaching. Except, of course, those teachers that worked with me these last few years. And my husband. It's not that I don't want to be home with my family. I just enjoy the classroom very much! I LOVE to teach! AND I'm enough of a control freak to think that subbing won't be as enjoyable to me.

I'm not saying that working has been perfect for me and for my family. The house is a constant disaster. There have been days of scrambling and tears and guilt when the kids were sick or didn't get picked up. There were days that I wished I could be in my child's classroom to see what is going on! There were times I wished I wasn't too exhausted when I got home to play baseball or take a walk with the kids. And, more times than I can count, I have thought that it would be so much easier if I could just say home. "Lord, could you just show me what to do?"

Then I got laid off, and I didn't like His answer. I felt like I was giving up a part of myself in order to stay home. It didn't fit in with my plan of how life was going to go. Under it all though, was a still, small voice saying, "Let it go..." So, it is His (as if it were mine to begin with). I am His.

Boxes and bins full of teaching stuff, along with college education:$Thousands
Being reminded that I am not the captain of my own ship and that I need Him to be: Priceless!